The Wild Geese

A Piglet Tale
Piglet is a Japanese pig of the Kawasaki breed type KLR 650 who was born in Malaya 2 or so years ago

In sunny Queensland on a fine Friday morning, with rain, Rider Rick loaded Piglet with all the essential equipment required for an adventure into the wild hills of NE NSW. After meeting with three other riders, Jim, Russell and Jack at the village of Jimboomba, Piglet and Rider Rick set off to find as much dirt as they could. Piglet was quite excited about this although he did not show it. He was a little annoyed at having to wear a "Ulysses—growing old disgracefully" sticker on his forehead. Not a cool thing for such a young pig to wear, but he loved having his name on his fairing.

After a brisk run past Lake Maroon where Piglet dodged cows and ran through as much cow poo as possible, then up over the Ranges to Woodenbong where they all stopped to catch their breath while Rider Rick and the others made a brew. Then it was on to the little village of Urbenville where Rider Rick and the others stopped to put on wet weather gear. While doing this, the group of adventurers were approached by two young teenage girls who appeared to be the result of many generations of Urbenville 'line breeding'. The youngsters asked each rider for his autograph obviously thinking that at least one of the riders must have been in a Star Wars movie.

Piglet quickly led the group out of Urbenville. He was glad to be out of there. While Piglet was parked on his side stand waiting for Rider Rick he had noticed a youth, the girl's brother's mother's son, staring at him from the verandah of a nearby dwelling. Piglet imagined this youth to have centre folds from "Pig Breeders Monthly" not "Playboy" hidden under his mattress.

It was soon off the bitumen and on to the dirt heading for Paddy's Flat, where many years previously, Paddy, after reading an article in a National Geographic on Easter Island had attempted to repel a Japanese invasion of his cow paddock by constructing gruesome looking statues and facing them north. Paddy had no artistic ability what-so-ever and all that resulted were a few triangular concrete blocks facing in no particular direction. However in the summer of 1943 during a big storm the rainwater tank from Paddy's cowshed blew into the Clarence River and came to rest on Paddy's concrete blocks. From then on they were mistakenly referred to as WW Two Tank Traps.

Up until now Piglet had remained clean other than a bit of cow droppings and road grime on his belly. We all know how much pigs hate being clean. While going up a hill of greasy clay the temptation of mud became too much for Piglet and without any warning to Rider Rick, Piglet lay down, and for a minute or so Rider Rick lay with him. Their fun was soon spoilt by the other riders who hoisted Piglet up onto his side stand.

Rider Rick can be seen thoughtfully relieving his frustrations by kicking a tree instead of Piglet

Over a hill and down the other side and another mud patch where Rider Rick stopped Piglet from laying down. It was about then that Piglet got the huffs. He ran off the road down an embankment and lay in the grass and refused to get up until he was unloaded. This was understandable, as Rider Rick had used Mr. Bourke's camping list (of Bourke & Wills fame) when deciding what to bring on their adventure. This included a selection of saws to clear fallen timber (Rider Rick is a 'never turn back' type of adventurer), even an entrenching tool in case they were caught in cross fire between the Hatfields an the Mc Coys in these hills. It was suggested by another rider that Piglet may be getting tired carrying all that weight in his top box but Rider Rick assured him that Piglet had carried it all before and that Piglet was just being difficult to get along with. From here on Rider Rick had very little confidence in Piglet, never knowing when Piglet would throw himself down in the mud or run off the road to lay in the nice cool wet grass. Piglet's bars were held in a very firm grip from then on.

The other three bikes in company with Piglet were totally boring. Two Japanese and an Austrian. Their back wheels just followed along behind their front wheels and they just went where their riders pointed them. In fact they were so boring nobody had even bothered to give them names. Piglet was not bothered by these other bikes. He was quite happy with his own thoughts and entertained himself by thinking up new tricks to play on Rider Rick

Stopping for lunch and fuel at Tabulam which going by the padlocks on everything at the servo (even the plastic rubbish bin lid was locked to the bin) was inhabited by Kleptomaniacs. Piglet was hoping someone would steal his top box. Then on to more fun in the dirt on the Ambridge Plateau Forest Drive along the ridge tops of the Richmond Range. Here Piglet was so engrossed in the scenery he forgot to play any tricks on Rider Rick, even when Rider Rick rode him down a road despite the large sign at the beginning saying "This road doesn't go anywhere". After a few kilometres Piglet became nervous when be noticed the scattered ramshackle dwellings half hidden behind hedges. By the time Rider Rick decided to turn back Piglet imagined he could hear banjos even though it was actually Bellbirds. As we already know, Piglet gets nervous around people who live in isolated hills in ramshackle houses.

Back into the Toonumbar National Park where much to Piglet's delight a downpour had water running down the clay slopes of the two wheel track. Rider Rick refused to give Piglet his way and kept him on his wheels, despite Piglet's repeated attempts to lie down and have a wallow. Piglet even tried to get his back wheel around in front of his front as he had done in his first successful lay-down, but Rider Rick gripped him hard and paddled him through. Piglet slowed right down and fell way behind those other boring bikes and their riders so when he was successful he could be assured of a good lay in the mud before he was picked up. But it was not to be. Rider Rick wrestled him through.

It was a tired Piglet who rested on his side stand at the Iron Pot Creek camp ground that night.

That evening around the fire Rick, Jim, Russell and Jack had solved the world's problems and being entertained by stories of Russell's recent 3rd world countries solo M/cycle tour.

The following morning the adventurers went looking for more adventure (which by the 3rd World touring standards was very tame). Rider Rick and Piglet led off, for neither of them were strangers to these dark mountain forests. At a T junction a discussion was held as to which road would lead to the greatest adventure. Piglet kept his thoughts to himself. Rider Jack decided he would lead the way as his GPS gave the roads far more exotic and interesting names than those on the sign posts. For example GPS; Cob-O-Corn Road, road sign; Cox's Road. After backtracking awhile Rider Jack led them off on to a narrow track feeling quite the explorer until at a stop to admire the views, Rider Rick informed Rider Jack that he and Piglet had discovered this track before and Rider Rick actually had to make a ramp over a large log with his bare hands for Piglet to cross. Hence the reason Piglet was now carrying a selection of wood saws and road making equipment. Actually Rider Jack was the least adventurous of the group as he was the only one who had fitted knobbie tyres to his bike. "What a woose" thought Piglet. Although the roads were still muddy and slippery Piglet was getting a little tired and could not be bothered playing tricks today. At last they reached the bitumen and headed North for home, The riders all agreeing they should go on another adventure soon. Piglet hoped they would bring along a bike with a name.

~ John English, with apologies to Rick

Category Rides ~ Category Dirt Rides